drunkencynic's Diaryland Diary

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the show must go on

"I know it's, like, a really big pain in the ass for me to serve you, but I assure you it won't sap too much of your life force if you just say thank you to me."

That said...

I'm feeling better. Today I didn't have any caffeine, dairy, meat, or sugar, and I think it's really been helping. I'm on my way to recovery, thank god. I had visions of last-minute Hero coaching. I think I'll be well enough to perform tonight. Probably not that well, but the show must go on.

I know this sounds really lame, but there are all kinds of really exciting substitute things at the health food store. I've been buying cosmetics there for years (no, I'm not an animal sympathizer, though if I thought about it too much I might be- it's just that the makeup tends to be healthier for you and better-made). But now there're sugar-free candies and things like that. I'm excited about it!

I can't wait to see what's been happening with the Ian/Obsessed Twin saga. I don't know why it interests me that much.

Apparently Felicity called my mom to see if I felt well enough to perform. My mom told her she thought I would, even though I didn't feel that great. Upon hearing this, I asked, "Did she exclaim, 'oh, what a wonderful and dependable actress I am privileged to work with...'?"

"No."

"Yeah, I figured."

Unappreciated. Mrs. Cellophane. Whatever.

I ordered some Old Navy clothes! I'm so excited. I'm sure they won't fit me. But I just may have found a replacement for my (increasingly see-through) black tank top that I love to death. We'll see.

I love that black tank top. Well, maybe I should say this black tank top, since I'm wearing it. As usual. It's just that when you have a body like mine (humungous chest and hips, and small waist)...ya gotta be defined or you look like a whale.

JR said, the other day (yes, that day), "You have the tiniest waist!" I like hearing it, but it also embarasses me. I think it only seems that way because it's mutant-like in proportion to the rest of me.

I'm so excited about my new cell phone. At first I was reluctant about it, because I felt like a sheep. I didn't want to pull it out anywhere, and I was a little scared of it. But I'm addicted to sending text messages! It's way cool. I just need more people to send text messages to. I think JR's getting tired of it. :)

DumbAss is doing the concession stand tonight. Which means he'll be at the play. Which mean I will see him. Which means he will probably want to give me a congratulatory hug, etc. But after the last time I saw him, he might not. Picture this: Thomas and I are alone at the coffee shop. I am frantically text-messaging JR to come down and rescue me. Thomas wants to talk, because Thomas knows that talking often leads to fucking. "So, I'm doing concession stand this week."
"Uh."
"Yeah, Michael asked me."
"There are a couple people in the play who know you."
"Who?!"
"The twins."
(feigning) "Who? ..... oh. Them!"
"Yeah."
Pause. "What'd they say about me?"
"Oh, lots of things."
"It's all lies."
"Well, you know, lots of people have lots of things to say about you."
"They're lying. It's all lies."
"Right."
"Well, I'll be leaving now, since you obviously hate me." (pause while he waits for me to correct him) "Okay. Sorry. Bye."
It's still hard for me to keep from pulling him back, kissing him, letting him hold me, but it's become almost automatic. I don't even have to think about it anymore... there's just that automatic sign in my head that flashes, "Just don't." And I don't question it anymore. I just don't.

Sorry this entry is so boring. Perhaps something exciting will happen tonight.

Like me getting laid again.

Fat chance.

3:34 p.m. - 2003-09-19

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