drunkencynic's Diaryland Diary


hello again

It's funny, I can only neglect Diaryland for a few days until the siren song snaps me right back.

Hello, here I am again.

Unfortunately, the reason I've neglected my friendly little white box is because I have nothing to say.

JR and I are 'seeing how it is'.

I've been bombarded by both my boss and my mother (who may as well be the same woman for all the synchronized advice they give me) with the sentiment that if anyone tried to keep a relationship with me secret I should slam the door in their face because it's wrong (Don't ask me how in the world my mother knew this information was relevant to me at this time. She just knows shit like that).

But it has come to my attention that it's not only JR who wants it to be a secret. In fact, he's perfectly willing to let the world know where we stand, which is...at the moment, nowhere solid. A fact which keeps me from revealing everything. I feel like I should have something definite to reveal before I reveal it ("We're boyfriend/girlfriend..." "We're getting married..." etc). I often steal the ring he wears sometimes as a joke, since he leaves it all over the place (once time he was complaining for weeks that he couldn't find it, and finally one day while I was at his house, I'd had enough and said, "I'll find it, dammnit," and walked upstairs where I'd seen it last and as I was ascending the last few stairs I saw it on the ground at eye level. I teased him about that endlessly. It still cracks me up). The other day I picked it up and wore it for a while, and then when I gave it back to him, he said, "Do you want to wear it?" And immediately the thought but people might know sprang into my head and was accompanied by nervous fear, and I refused, despite his insisting for a while. So I know it's not him that's keeping this a secret. I'm probably more scared than he is.

Nevertheless, I do want him to be my boyfriend. The word sounds so trite, so banal, so teenybopperish, but I'm ready for some conventionality in my life.

In other news, none of my clothes look good on me. I'm becoming a nudist. You're welcome to join me.

3:50 p.m. - 2004-03-24


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