drunkencynic's Diaryland Diary


wicked. i love that word.

I am not in love with anyone. Hah!

After a quite (at least too much for my sanity) lengthy stint of being AWOL, JR contacted me weirdly and asked if we could hang out. We talked. And along the way, the thought that had been brewing in my head for the entire AWOL stint finally manifested itself. As in, stood up, waved its lucid little hand, and said, "Hey, Sarah, over here, duh."

The thought, needless to say, was that no, I wasn't in love with JR.

I'm just really bad at distinguishing between comfort, lust, and love. I always have been, most likely I always will be. But I'm glad I got it straightened out. It's not love.

JR said that he feels the same way I do, but he doesn't know if he could call it love. "The truth is, Sarah, I don't know if I've ever loved anyone. And even if I did. Love. Now. I would never be able to express it."

Romantic, huh.

It's cool, though, I've come to terms with my mistake. And I'm looking forward to that heiau. A nice, friendly (albeit sexually charged) adventure.

I'm reading a book right now about Juilliard. I got it for Christmas. Frank had read it and confessed that he almost hadn't given it to me, it was so brutal and quite anti-Juilliard, but he did anyway.

I'm enjoying it immensely. Even the brutal, wicked competition and the scary, mind-numbing trials sound wonderful. What could be better than a place where the world's best young adults gather to perfect their craft? Even the wicked competitiveness and bitchiness is a testament to how dedicated the students are! Perhaps I was supposed to be turned off by the book, but it had rather the opposite effect. Maybe that's a good sign.

Dear Taco Eaters,
Stop being so stupid.
Thank you, The Management.
And Me.

12:15 a.m. - 2004-01-03


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