drunkencynic's Diaryland Diary


oops, i did it again

Um. Who am I and what have I done with my life?

Thomas is fervently pursuing me.

Six Pack Paul is completely besotted.

JR and I are sworn to mutual celibacy concerning each other.

In detail:

Thomas and I have been talking a little. I'd missed talking to him. No matter how much of a freak the guy turned out to be, we always got along well. He makes me laugh. During a particularly low and poisonous moment I text-messaged him with, "Come fuck me, Avila", which was rather idiotic and blunt of me. I was feeling incredibly lonely and unwanted. He had no gas in his car. When later I apologized for the outburst, he protested, "What? No! I want to fuck you!" Today we talked for a while at the coffee shop, and I was gearing up to decide whether or not to follow through, when circumstances changed and I found myself with movie plans with JR. I pleaded schoolwork and slipped off, but Thomas caught me on my way out by running in front of the van. I stopped, rolled down the window, and we exchanged a few words, both of us staring at each other and slurring a little in desire. Finally he kissed me, and it was everything I'd remembered it to be. The soft lips, the scent of him...subtle cologne, his own smell, a hint of cigarette smoke... he still tastes the same. It brought back a million visceral memories.

Next. Six Pack Paul is, apparently, a virgin. He confessed to me he'd been 'saving himself for the right girl and I think you're her.' Whaaa? Wait a second. You barely know me. I am not the right girl to deflower you. I am a horrible girl who does horrible things to men. But oh, oh, oh how I want to.

Ahem. Moving right along. JR almost managed to resist me yesterday, citing the old 'we've-got-to-stop-this'-ness, which caused quite a shock to my system, as you might imagine. I won him out in the end, however, but also soberly realized that he was fundamentally right. We should stop. And there's no time like the present, huh? That does not, however, mean that tonight as we watched I Conquer the Castle (which was gorgeous, by the way), I was not aching with every bone in my body for him to touch me. I just need to learn to sit back and enjoy the feeling. It makes me feel alive.

Big things are in the air.

11:10 p.m. - 2004-03-03


previous - next

latest entry

about me





random entry

other diaries: