drunkencynic's Diaryland Diary



I seem to have lost my will to write. My emotions change like a chameleon every two minutes. A clumsy metaphor, or too clichéd? Either way.

To continue the theme, I am helplessly flailing for my life in the sea of love. Surrounded by all that comes with it. Jealousy. Insecurity. Obsession. The complete inability to be away from him for more than a day.

There are good things. Roses for no reason. Kisses in front of everyone. Expensive dinners. Violent, satisfying declarations of love. The lovemaking...

I made him cry at the thought that he was going to lose me. What can I say, I get bored.

Awful. It is. And a joke. I didn't do it on purpose, I was in one of my detatched, doubtful moods. But I'm afraid it's actually true. Maybe I stir up drama to keep from being bored. The thought has been plaguing me. Am I unable to be happy? Placidity can be fulfilling, right?

I'm in one of those listless moods right now. But oh, oh, I'm forgetting to mention how wonderful he is. How sweet he is. How good he is to me. It's terrible how good he is to me. I feel as if I don't deserve it. He would do anything I asked him to, because he loves me. He loves me, and he tells me this while looking at me with those gorgeous, ocean-colored eyes that plead heartbreakingly, with his sweet veiny hand on my cheek, the other tangled in my hair, his soft, perfectly formed mouth on mine. He buries his face in my hair, in my clothes, mumbling, "My love, my Sarah. My Sarah."

I am his, and I'd forgotten what it was like to belong to someone- scary, wonderful, sweet, mind-blowing, difficult, heart-breaking, rocky, euphoric.

6:34 p.m. - 2004-05-06


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