drunkencynic's Diaryland Diary



My head feels cleaner. Clearer. I would explain what I mean and how I came to this but I'm afraid it would just muddy it up. Suffice it to say that I've gotten stronger. I do not need JR. I can enjoy him if I feel like it, but I do not crave him, and I do not want to bind him to me. He is special to me in a way that transcends silly boyfriend-girlfriend fantasies. I'm glad that I've realized this. And funny thing- he'd realized it at the same time. I am content being special to him, because I know he feels the same way I do.

This did not, however, impede our predilection to winding up hot and sweaty and moaning in his bed. It just means that I don't try to make him reiterate that yes, he is in love with me, that I don't spend the rest of the night and the week wondering if he really does and if and when we'll do this again. We might. We probably will. We usually do. But I don't need it. I will not seek it out. It is a safe, clean, happy feeling and I'm proud of myself for coming to this conclusion.

I spent most of last night throwing up in JR's toilet, which surprised the hell out of me because I'd only had three glasses of white wine and some gin concoction. I usually only throw up when I've had whiskey. I guess you're just not supposed to mix hards and... weenie drinks. I felt really bad about it because I was supposed to hang out with Elena, but I was terribly incapacitated. It was sort of out of the blue. I did end up drunkenly climbing into JR's bathtub and starting a bath, which was lovely. He has a very very deep bath. And a little yellow plastic boat that I became fast friends with.

On a completely different note, tell me you haven't ever wondered about necrophila.

2:46 p.m. - 2004-02-24


previous - next

latest entry

about me





random entry

other diaries: