drunkencynic's Diaryland Diary



Oh man, Company is so cool. I got the CD from JR today, and have been listening to it ever since. Dude. Seriously. It rocks. But now I have "Bobby. Bobby baby. Bobby Bubby. Robert darling..." stuck in my head. I'm really excited about my part. There's a pretty little duet with April (me) and Robert that I'll get to sing. It's sort of wistful, bittersweet. Just a guitar and short back-and-forth between the two characters. I love bittersweet things. They're so painful and lovely.

I suppose you're wondering about my accident. Well, responsible, good-citizen Sarah is driving down the road, thinking about a tussle she endured with her mother earlier that morning about the necklines (or rather, lack of) on her clothing, and finds herself behind a Windstar. This is not an unusual situation, and she is not in any way alarmed by it, until she smacks into the back of said Windstar. Which was alarming.

In my defense, he slowed down very rapidly and was turning into a driveway without using his turn signal. Listen to your driver's ed teacher, kids, he knows what he's talking about. Use your turn signal, and, uh, pay attention.

Luckily the gentleman I'd nudged with my car was quite businesslike and knew exactly what to do. Within moments after checking that I was okay and assessing the damage on his car (which he judged to be about $1300- his plastic bumper was cracked) he was on his cell phone, informing the police that he'd "just been rear-ended by a woman in a Previa". At this point I began to cry. So there I am, standing in my pink sundress clutching my cell phone, with tears running down my face from underneath my sunglasses. I just kept thinking, "Uh. Someone messed up. This didn't happen. I demand a recount." I couldn't believe that I'd actually hit someone else's car. And I felt so alone and afraid and...young.

I don't think the police officers or the guy I'd hit quite knew what to do with me. They were very gentle and a little taken aback. They kept asking if I was okay and looking anxious.

Somehow everything's worked out and when I told my mother, she put her arms around me and said she was sorry. And bought me flowers. I'm lucky.

I'm singing 'Many a New Day' from Oklahoma and 'I Could Have Danced All Night' from My Fair Lady (both of which I could do in my sleep, thank god) for a fundraiser that Carson (my singing teacher) and Roberta do every year. I'm not exactly sure what the cause is, but with such great entertainment, who cares?! :)

I've realized something. I tend to build my world around one person. A male, usually. All my thoughts, energy, and time is directed at that one person. I make them my social center, and become dependent on them to make me feel better, to entertain me if I'm bored, to make me feel like I'm doing something worthwhile (uh, no pun intended). I've been doing this with JR, and that's why I've been so miserable when I'm not around him. I constantly want to be around him not only because I enjoy his company, but because he's pretty much the only option. I'm made him indispensible to me, and therefore I crave him and get depressed when he's not available. How pathetic.

It is my hope that, having realized this, I can change my ways. I think I just have to branch out and create other worlds to frequent.

Having said that, I'm off to watch The Outsiders. Oh yes, nothing but crazy social butterflying for me now.

9:42 p.m. - 2004-02-20


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