drunkencynic's Diaryland Diary


will you marry me?

The other night I dreamed that I got married. It was very strange, one of those weird vivid dreams that stick with you. Everyone of course wants to know who I married, but I didn't tell them. I'll tell you.

It was my cousin Steven. Now you see why I haven't been going around blabbing this fact to everyone. It sounds incestuous! And I swear that I have no non-cousinly feelings for Steven.

I shall now proceed to describe the dream for you.

We're in a weird water/theme park. I am getting ready. Every so often in the park there are huge rooms like cathedrals with huge, expansive gorgeous koa floors. I am getting dressed in a dress that is reminiscent of the barbecue dress from Gone With the Wind. Only mine was purple. Frothy, very Southern-Belle-ish. I did feel quite lovely in it though. I am very nervous, because I'm getting married to my cousin. Not only am I slightly disgusted, I'm also quite young, as is he, and afraid that he doesn't like me. The marriage feel inevitable, like an arranged marrriage. Reminiscent of the old days, when you did have to marry your cousin.

I am now in the cathedral. It's quite sparse, with the aforementioned expansive wood floor, which is shiny and a beautiful auburn color. The cathedral is lit with some sort of candley effect (yes, I am aware that I keep making up words), and it's sort of darkish with a spotlight on the 'stage'. There is some sort of Princess Bride Impressive Clergyman guy in the background wandering around.

I am seated in a pew to the right of the stage, all by myself, applying makeup.

Steven enters and I reluctantly pull myself up and flounce up to join him. I am standing a step below him, which makes me feel protected. I am avoiding his eyes and feeling sad because we're both chained to each other now. Then the audience, comprised of our family, starts loudly throwing out anecdotes. Some are sweet, most make us blush terribly.

And then, in the middle of it all, Steven grabs me, and whispers, "I love you." There was so much acceptance and adoration emanating from him saying those three words. And we kiss. I remember wondering at that point if we are supposed to kiss each other before we are ordered to, but I didn't care. And after he said that, my fear disappeared, I knew everything would be all right, and I started to feel euphoric. The dizzy feeling of being loved and in love.

I woke up as we were enduring more anecdotes. The dream stayed with me throughout the whole day. Whenever I thought of it I got this sweet, comforting feeling.

Steven being the groom seemed to be beside the point. It was the feeling of the dream that really got to me. Both strong emotions.

And oddly, I am left wanting to get married. Damn that dream, it brought out the domestic in me again.

I found myself hanging out with Nicole, her friend, JR, and John yesterday, and, after Nicole mentioned that she is legally able to perform a marriage, I blurted out, "I dreamed that I got married last night!" And everyone stopped dead. Then Nicole said, "That means something."

I of course (remember my dream analysis phase?) was quite intrigued and she revealed that as she knew it, dreaming about getting married meant a union of yourself. A merging of ideas, your heart and mind coming together, or something like that. According to a definition from dreammoods.com, marriage "signifies commitment, harmony or transition. You will undergo an important developmental transitional phase. It may also represent the unification of formerly separate or opposite aspects of yourself. In particular, it may represent the union of masculine or feminine aspects of yourself."

JR pretended to be uninterested, but I could tell he was biting at the bit.

I offered to be Nicole's guinea pig. I'll get married. To whomever.

Wanna marry me? Don't laugh, I'm proposing.

5:11 p.m. - 2004-01-07


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