drunkencynic's Diaryland Diary


i cannot stay away

He stared at me unblinkingly for a moment and then said, "God, you really are drop-dead-gorgeous."

No matter how many times he tells me this it still catches me off guard and surprises me.

With sentiments like that flying around, how can I stay away?

Seriously, though. He means too much to me, and I think he's really starting to realize it. And he's starting to realize that he wants me and that prolonging contact with you-know-who is detrimental and therefore ripe for the severing.

Tonight when I left (after remaining perfectly celibate the whole time, thank you very much) he said, (referring to an earlier flippant statement of mine) "So do you really want me to move away?"

As I buried my face in his shoulder I said, "No. I want you to..." and he kissed me, cutting me off.


"What do you want?"

After a few more pauses and jerky "I..." "I..."s, I said, finally, hanging my head, "You know what I want."


He knows. And I know I'm not making it up or wishfully thinking when I say that he's almost there, if not there already. We're just stepping lightly around it.

I feel so hypocritical. What a disgusting optimist I am. I wish I could hate him.

Please go back an entry for a more drunkencynic-like entry full of the kind of cheer we love around here.

10:16 p.m. - 2003-11-11


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