drunkencynic's Diaryland Diary


explanatory exposition

There's too much to say. I can't tell everything. I'm really glad he's back.

He brought me back a little statue thing that looks like a fertility statue. It's a pregnant woman with her hands over her eyes. She's halved, and when you open her up there's a little bowl-shaped thing that I guess you can keep stuff in. JR got it for me, he laughingly explained, because "Look! Surprise! It's empty! Yaaaayyy!"

He also bought me some more Ralph perfume. I'm out and it's his favorite. Whenever I'd wear it and he would be near me for any reason, he'd say, "Ahhh, Ralph." So he started calling me Ralph. I now have an industrial sized, heavy-duty bottle of Ralph. :)

We started getting philosophical, which is always dangerous. I get that way naturally after I'm satiated. I don't know why. It just happens. He usually gets silly. But we started talking about our insecurities and fears... his insecurities are that he doesn't have exactly what he has in spades. He just doesn't know it. I think a lot of people are that way. You hear that you have something, and you say, "Oh, yeah, I guess I do," and then you hear it some more, and then you go, "Wait a second. No person could possibly live up to this image..." and start doubting yourself.

Then he said, "We can't keep talking like this. We'll get too attached." And I said, quietly, "I think it's too late."


"For me, anyway," I clarified. He sighed. "For me, too."

All well and good, right? No! What have you learned from life? What have you been doing all this time? Nothing is ever all well and good, dumbass.

He apparently has made some sort of promise to himself. About relationships, about intimacy, I don't know. All I want is to know that he feels the same way I do, to the same degree. I don't need to be his girlfriend. I don't even think I want to be his girlfriend.

Tenacious D kicks hard rock ass. I'm captured. My boss, Sarah, thinks I'm crazy, although I do now have everyone singing, "You don't always have to fuck her hard..."

Why is life so deliciously sweet one second and so painfully bitter the next?

8:37 a.m. - 2003-10-30


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