drunkencynic's Diaryland Diary


welcome to the monkey house

Okay, pop quiz. There are a bunch of people dressed weirdly (not weirdly as in purple hair, leather pants, etc [wait- that would be normal these days, wouldn't it...], weirdly as in sparkly suspenders and clown pants) screaming at the top of their lungs to be heard a few feet away from you.

Do you:

(a) ignore them- they're obviously idiots and you don't want to be caught looking

(b) recognize them for the drama freaks they are and crane your neck worshipfully to hear

or (c) throw things at them?

Okay, (c) didn't happen, but (b) was almost as rare.

I am referring, of course, to our 'sneak preview' of the play at the opening of the new shopping center. 'Sneak' is right. Unmiked, unheralded, unnoticed.

You'd think people would take a gander at least out of morbid curiosity, if nothing else. Where have the inquiring minds gone?

After that interesting mistake, I went to the resort my dad is treating himself to in honor of his birthday. They were showing a 'dive-in movie' by the pool. Lilo and Stitch. Then Stitch. Oh, you weren't aware there was such a thing? Stitch, my friends, is the sequel that even Disney obviously deemed too horrendous to even release in theaters. It went straight to DVD and video.


There was a wonderful line delivered by 'Hamsterwheel' (who, when referred to as such, repeatedly corrects loudly, "Haahmsterveeel, Haahmsterveeel...") to one of the aliens- "...you and your four eyes and your inexplicable accent!" At which I cracked up. I don't think the majority of the audience knew what inexplicable meant, (uh, the audience being comprised of me and a bunch of three year olds) as I seemed to be the only one laughing. But the accent was. Inexplicable. I laughed because all throughout the first movie I was trying to place it. French? Italian? Spanish?

Heidi has decided that since I am upset about her forced terms, I must have been after JR all along. What a homewrecker I am. I would really like to thank you for being so compassionate. Mlle Rouge, thank you especially for your email. I plan to thank you in a fashion fitting to your crime, but I'd also like to announce publicly that this woman is wonderful.

I think I'm addicted to caffeine. I'm getting those headaches. And I've started to absolutely abhor those times when I can't fall asleep because I've got caffeine pumping through my veins. That artificial wakefulness, when your eyes and feet and head go, "Uh, dude, it's time to sleep," and your caffeine-infused veins go, "Uh-uh. We're totally awake. What are you talking about?"

It's so surreal. I feel drug-infested.

Today at the coffee shop Anthony started a monologue and ended up talking about me (my favorite subject). He imparted his perception that I'm too 'big' for this town. He was referring, as it transpired, to my 'aura', or equivalent thereof. I don't care how much of a cynic you are, there are definitely different energies that emanate from people. They might change slightly according to moods and whatnot, but I think everyone has different energy.

The conversation started when Thomas pulled up for coffee and I made the motions of tearing my hair out. Anthony laughed and said, "Are you gone? Are you running away now?" And I said, "Hell no, I ain't runnin'. I'm gonna face this motherfucker like a man." (Okay, well, I didn't say that, but I was thinking it). Of course all I did was blink meaningfully to acknowledge his presence, but I didn't ignore him. However, neither did I challenge him to a fist-fight or kick in his teeth.

Anyway, Anthony said, "You will always be bumping up against small [at this gesturing subtly to Thomas, behind him, completely oblivious] people [in relationships]. You're simply too big for this small town. You won't find anyone like that here. I see you in a big city."

Of course this appealed to me greatly, but it also reinforced something I'd been trying to assemble in my head. JR asked me a while ago, "Why do you need to go away? Everything's right here." I need to go to away to find myself, other people, and the career I want. Maybe the end for me is here, but I do know that I need to go away. Preferably to a lot of different places.

My life has been getting very surreal. Not just the happenings, but my perception of it. Someone in my psych book theorized that events are meaningless, it's the person's perception of them that matters. My perception has been growing, changing. It's been kaleidoscopic. The world has taken on such color, and twisted, and gone black, and then brilliant again, and all my perceptions have been flung wide open and tossed about. The world has seemed larger.

I believe that things happen for a reason.

I'm growing up.

10:39 p.m. - 2003-08-30


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