drunkencynic's Diaryland Diary

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citrine grass? am i high?

Today JR and I hiked up the mountain.

It wasn't Mt. Everest or anything, just a sizeable pile of dirt. Sizeable enough that we didn't manage to make it all the way up. Okay, I didn't.

But we settled on a protruding, wind-shielded grassy rivet and threw down our stuff in dramatic gasps of exaustion, and panted on our backs, looking up at the sky. The citrine grass waving all around us, the sun setting in bursts of peach and purple, the wing blowing gently, cooling us off...It was gorgeous. He is incredible.

JR is getting to be my best friend. If I didn't know better I might say I was falling in love with him, but I do know better and love doesn't exist anyway.

His eyes are the most lovely ocean color.

Ahem.

After poking and prodding Jenna (figuratively, of course) about the Thomas incident, she revealed to JR (who was poking and prodding for me) that he had told her that he wished he'd met her before Will (they make up The Über Couple, remember) got to her (I introduced Thomas to Jenna!) and that he'd always liked her, and apparently started bad-mouthing me, saying that I was a bitch and everything.

Upon hearing this I got that feeling in my stomach, the one I feel when plummeting down a steep drop on a roller coaster. That sickening feeling of everything falling out from underneath you.

I know it is probably not that dramatic, that Thomas is a sociopath and will say anything if it feels like a good idea at the time, and that I am not the most unwanted girl in the universe, but as usual my heart and ego are paying no attention to logic.

I am the most unwanted girl in the universe.

And I am falling into something that doesn't exist with the second-to-last person I should be falling into it with.

8:14 p.m. - 2003-08-24

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