drunkencynic's Diaryland Diary



The Critic raised the issue of the hypocrisy of saying you write for yourself and not for other people, yet the fact that the very assertion is posted on the internet in a diary for everyone to see, complete with places for them to comment on your own personal thoughts, is a direct contradiction. This is true, and something I know I struggle with. Why am I writing this? Why not just keep it in a physical diary, under my bed, secret from the world?

I am an exhibitionist. I like to be heard and I like to interact with other people. I love to talk, and I love to discuss. Of course I'm going to love the idea of an online diary. I get to expound endlessly on my thoughts and feelings and sometimes I'll make someone laugh, sometimes I'll make someone say, "YES! That's exactly what I mean," and obviously, unavoidably, sometimes I'll make someone say, "Man, that chick's a fucking conceited freak."

Ah well. Can't have everything.

I think that this whole setup is wonderful, because even if nobody reads it, I get to try to articulate my thoughts and feelings in a way that makes sense to me, while injecting some of my own humor into it. It makes me happy to think that I've articulated something satisfactorily. It makes me even happier to hear that I've articulated it well for someone else.

The absolute honest truth?

Are you sure you want to hear it?


You're positive?

Okay, okay, stop yelling at me.

I am writing this for me. I wouldn't write it if it didn't make me happy. It makes me happy to connect with people in the process of exploring myself. So yes, in essence, I am writing for me. Needless to say, if the process wasn't enjoyable this diary wouldn't exist. I am not writing to make others happy. I'm ecstatic that occasionally I do, because then it makes me happy.

It's all about me. :)

I do hope that you know that when I wax narcissistic I'm poking fun at myself. In reality, I am a weird mix of highly insecure and highly self-involved.

It's the same thing, really.

I do not know of anyone who is not out for themselves (That was a Marvin channeling if I ever heard one). Do you?

Even the most ostensibly self-sacrificing person is doing it all to feel better about themselves. Am I right?

Or just cynical?

10:51 a.m. - 2003-07-28


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