drunkencynic's Diaryland Diary


in which my cynicism takes a reluctant vacation

Well. We-ell.

I met my first psychic today. I have always been incredibly interested in such things but have never managed to come across anyone even remotely resembling a psychic.

Today I attended a program that I thought was about auras but it turned out to be called 'finding your guardian angel' which obviously would have elicited a lot more skepticism and cynicism from yours truly had I known the fact when I walked in. As it was I sat down in a circle headed (if a circle could be headed) by a large woman with triangular orange frizzy hair and a face that looked just like my best friend when I was two (though obviously somewhat more grown-up). Later, in response to someone else's comment that she looked just like their sister, she said that things like that happen often. It's like a message.

To start, we had to press our palms together and bring them shoulder-width apart like we were holding something, and then describe the first color that popped into our head, supposedly the color of whatever we were holding. Mine was purple. Purple is my least favorite color but it was the first thing that popped into my head. I was amazed when she nodded, and decided immediately that I must be psychic as well until I realized that she didn't contradict a single person. Apparently everyone saw their aura. Hmmmph.

Then we had to pair up with someone we didn't know and read their aura. The woman I paired up with read my aura first. She said my heart was pure. Then I read hers. I was very skeptical and a little nervous about it, but when I raised my hand to the 'fourth level' in her aura, which is supposed to be the heart, it felt sad to me, which I was reluctant to relate because she seemed like a happy person and I thought I would sounds stupid. I relayed this to her and she quickly agreed, divulging that her mother had died last month. Well, I was blown away by my brilliance.

Then we had to 'meet' our guardian angel. Shoving my skepticism to the side, where it sulked in a corner for the duration of the evening, I plunged into the exercise. After a long and guided ("you are on a path. walk to the river. on the other side of the river there's a cloud. it's coming towards you. your guardian angel is in it. what does it look like? etc...) talk, we were allowed to 'meet' them. My guardian angel looked like Botticelli's Venus (you know, the one in the shell) and told me her name started with a G, like Gweneveire or Gertrude or something. We were instructed to receive a gift and a message from our angel, and mine told me to love myself and gave me a silver mirror. I interpreted it to mean that I need to look at myself differently, perhaps accept myself. (the old self-esteem issues resurfacing)

When Theresa (yes, like Mother) asked me about my angel, I volunteered the information about her name, to which she replied, after looking at a space above my head for a minute, which was obviously the space that my angel occupied, that her name was Gwendolyn (which instantly put me in mind of the Important of Being Earnest, of course). Then she said, quite without prompting, "She looks very mythical." Which blew me away. Hello! A goddess! Hello!

My skepticism blew raspberries at me.

I am still not sure whether I have an overactive imagination and am just way to overexcited and hopeful about this, or if all was real. She said that we would receive physical confirmation that it was real soon. Well, here I am. I'm ready. Go ahead. Hit me.

I am such a weird mix of superstitious and cynical. I want to believe, sometimes I really do believe, but sometimes I just can't.

I do believe in God, just not the traditional view. I am not at all impressed by organized religion, but I definitely think that for some people it can be a wonderful thing. Just don't try to foist it on me, that's all I'm saying. My beliefs have a lot of What Dreams May Come incorporated in them. I'm not sure if that's because I read that book when I was really young and consequently took on some of those views, or if they just happened to agree with my thinking, but a lot of it rings true for me. Except that I don't believe in hell (besides the one I'm living in right now, I mean).

I do feel very uplifted from tonight's experience, however. I think if nothing else it taught me to be open and honest and I felt love.


That was my cynicism slapping me in the back of the head. It's brutal, you know.

9:45 p.m. - 2003-07-16


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