drunkencynic's Diaryland Diary


exposing myself

This is a poem I wrote after it ended with Milo. I've been thinking about that relationship a lot lately (I suppose in lieu of being able to think about the only other one) and all of a sudden today while I was cleaning my room it popped into my head. Be warned, it's lame, but it expresses an interesting thought.

after it's over

i heave a sigh

put all your stuff in a


like i am trying to

put you in a box

pack you up


fold in the flaps and

label it

i try to

tell myself it wasn't worth it anyway

but i know that

it was

nobody ever told me it would

hurt this much

i don't know

if i want to forget your wonderfulness

or dwell on it

savoring it

what i

could have had

if life had

worked out the way i wanted it to

but life has a way of

working itself out

with no help from me

so i sigh again and

tell myself i will

be fine

and i put you in a box

under my desk

to be savored and remembered

when it doesn't




After I sent this to him we got back together again, only to break up later. But the point is- it was wonderful, and it is lovely savoring it now when it doesn't sting like it used to.

I know I said I wouldn't talk about Thomas in this diary anymore, but I lied. That relationship- was not worth all the pain it's causing me. It was a lie, a stupid joke, and though I do need to grieve, it's nice to remember that it wasn't that great really. Life can be wonderful, and it will be again. I just have to be patient and in the meantime enjoy being a single woman! ;)

11:37 a.m. - 2003-06-13


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