drunkencynic's Diaryland Diary


sarah describes her day and goes slightly insane and quite neurotic and angry

I went to the beach with Elena today. I really missed spending time with her. "Oh, thaaaaat's why we're best friends..." We saw a lot of people there, including my dad! There is nothing weirder than seeing your parents somewhere you weren't expecting to. But I'm getting tan, and trying to decide whether that is a good thing or not (I guess I still can't let go of thinking rebelliously even while converting). It's nice being in the fresh air, feeling alive and free from other places. It seems like escapeism is becoming rather a trend for Sarah. In fact, referring to Sarah in third person is rather an escape tactic for Sarah. That way she can pretend she isn't that messed up, morose, insecure, scared, angry girl. Which leads us to the morose and angry section of our entry today...(she's...we're...I'm reverting back to first person now for the sake of clarity)...

Why is it that I'm the one who did it and I'm the one who's left in the dust?

He has completely moved on. I bet he hardly remembers my name. He's met Purple Hair's parents, gone to her BBQ. Why on earth did I ever think he cared about me? Loved me? Will ANYONE EVER love me? Really, really love me and know me inside and out? I'm beginning to have my doubts. It's amazing how you can be so intimate with someone, expose your whole self, and then all of a sudden you're complete strangers who won't give each other the time of day. It makes me feel even more exposed. Violated.

or was it just me who exposed her whole self

I guess I should feel sorry for PH. Hope he treats her better than me. But I don't.

8:10 p.m. - 2003-06-01


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